My journey into becoming a cross dresser dates back to elementary school. I remember being out on the play ground and the boys on the playground were always mean to me. We played this game called boys vs. girls, where the girls would try to catch the boys. I would always let the girls catch me. They told me they had this machine that would turn me into a girl. Oh, how I wished this machine were real and that I could become one of the girls. They were so much nicer to play with. It became a fantasy of mine from then on to be captured by the girls and subject to their transformation of me into one of them.
Friday, April 15, 2016
Thursday, April 7, 2016
Reflections on this Journey
After chatting with a friend I realized that my growth into a woman is like going through another puberty. It really starts off with a lot of sexual curiosity and develops from there. Initially the desire is often driven sexually and I develop these fantasies of being a pathetic sissy slut and wanting to be controlled by a woman who will turn me into a gurl. It is this sissy training that helps to bring me out further than just a fantasy and seeking out ways to be more feminine with that hope of being able to attract a "real man" and experience that sexual experience of sucking cock or even having full intercourse.
For me the reality is that this is just fantasy as it was when I went through male puberty. Morally i cannot bring myself to have multiple lovers and want to maintain that dedication to my wife. That actual male persona is real and i cannot deny it is who i am.
At one point i actually matured beyond that point of sexual exploration and moved forward into discovering my full feminine self. I had a need to post a picture of my face and although I had experimented a little with make-up I was nowhere near ready to post a picture of my face. This drove me to seek out a professional to help with a make-over. I searched around and found I really wanted to look like a woman and not just be a man in make-up. In my search I even spoke with a woman who did forced feminization and although she does make-up with her clients, she suggested I would find it better with a professional artist. That is when I found Jamie Austin. Now not only did I need a face, but I found that I wanted to make sure I had everything to look like a woman. I had the shoes, the skirt, and blouse. It was no longer a desire to be sexual, but to look feminine. Now what would I do once I attained this look? Did I want to go out to clubs and pick up men? No, I wanted to go shopping and try on a variety of clothes. When I was all made up and dressed as a beautiful sexy woman I knew men would look at me and it was nice to know I had achieved a true feminine look, but it was no longer a sexual thing where I wanted them to desire me and have sex with me. It was something where I wanted them to treat me like a lady. I realized my true desires were not to pick up guys, but rather go shopping and maybe have a man take me ballroom dancing. Even then, the dancing was more to feel the pleasure of wearing a dress and having it spin around and flow with beauty.
Sometimes I regress, especially when i am only part time and go through the cycles of purges. Having lost all of my feminine things i need to start again with panties and just that makes me feel like a sissy and brings me back to the immature sexual exploration and fantasies. My profile and interest tend to reflect these various levels. Do I go and try to express the mature cross dresser or the exploring immature dresser?
For me the reality is that this is just fantasy as it was when I went through male puberty. Morally i cannot bring myself to have multiple lovers and want to maintain that dedication to my wife. That actual male persona is real and i cannot deny it is who i am.
At one point i actually matured beyond that point of sexual exploration and moved forward into discovering my full feminine self. I had a need to post a picture of my face and although I had experimented a little with make-up I was nowhere near ready to post a picture of my face. This drove me to seek out a professional to help with a make-over. I searched around and found I really wanted to look like a woman and not just be a man in make-up. In my search I even spoke with a woman who did forced feminization and although she does make-up with her clients, she suggested I would find it better with a professional artist. That is when I found Jamie Austin. Now not only did I need a face, but I found that I wanted to make sure I had everything to look like a woman. I had the shoes, the skirt, and blouse. It was no longer a desire to be sexual, but to look feminine. Now what would I do once I attained this look? Did I want to go out to clubs and pick up men? No, I wanted to go shopping and try on a variety of clothes. When I was all made up and dressed as a beautiful sexy woman I knew men would look at me and it was nice to know I had achieved a true feminine look, but it was no longer a sexual thing where I wanted them to desire me and have sex with me. It was something where I wanted them to treat me like a lady. I realized my true desires were not to pick up guys, but rather go shopping and maybe have a man take me ballroom dancing. Even then, the dancing was more to feel the pleasure of wearing a dress and having it spin around and flow with beauty.
Sometimes I regress, especially when i am only part time and go through the cycles of purges. Having lost all of my feminine things i need to start again with panties and just that makes me feel like a sissy and brings me back to the immature sexual exploration and fantasies. My profile and interest tend to reflect these various levels. Do I go and try to express the mature cross dresser or the exploring immature dresser?
Monday, April 4, 2016
Isabella's first night out
Went out for the first time as Isabella. It was quite an experience. I had originally found a guy who wanted to get together with me, but he canceled that day. I had everything together and was ready to go out, so I figured I would do it. There was a drag show at the local gay bar. I checked it out on Facebook and found that there was another cross dresser who was planning to attend.
Through Facebook I was able to contact her and planned to meet her there.
I got myself ready early with all of the touches I had available to me. I had let my nails grow out for a few weeks and painted them. I shaved my legs the night before in anticipation of my date. I put on my corset and pulled it nice and tight. Put on my wig and brushed my hair. I really do love having long hair to play with. Then I did my makeup with what little I had. Just some foundation to cover up the beard and blend with the rest of my face. Then I put on eyeliner, shadow, and mascara. Got dressed in a nice skirt and top:
Fairly simple, but good enough.
I must admit, I was a little anxious. How could I possibly be going through with this? Maybe I could just go to the local sex shop, but then I got the message from my new friend to meet her there and I felt that was definitely the better way to go.
With about 20 minutes before I had to go, I could not find my keys. I had never lost my keys before how could this be happening. I usually keep them in my pocket or on the night stand. Well it turns out I do't have any pockets and they got put somewhere else. I searched all over for about 15 minutes and thought maybe this was a sign that I shouldn't go, but then I found them on the counter with my make-up. Which reminded me to touch things up one last time before I headed out.
The drive over was a bit nervous. What if someone recognized my car and wondered about the woman who was driving it. Of course if was dark and very unlikely. The other thing was getting used to pushing the pedals on a standard while wearing heels.
I got to the place and drove around the block a couple of times just to figure out where the best place to park would be. Then I finally parked the car and walked in the door. They door man asked for my ID and I handed it to him. I was very nervous. He looked and looked. I told him this was my first time out. He said I looked great and did a very nice job. He also compliment me on my wig.
Then I stepped inside the bar. There I was exposed to a group of total strangers. For a moment I had no clue what to do. Do I grab a seat at the bar and order a drink or just walk around? Luckily as I was awkwardly trying to decide what to do my friend spotted me and with a big smile wave me over. We met with a warm embrace. Wow I had really done it. For the rest of the night I could just be myself, Isabella. It was a nice evening we met some of the people she knew there, watched the show and danced a bit. I had to leave early, but had a wonderful time and was quite at ease by the time I drove home.
Some notes for my next adventure. I should get some more make-up to enhance my cheeks. Practice more with the eyes. And perhaps purchase a fragrance to make myself smell prettier too. Always open to suggestions to improve my female persona.
Through Facebook I was able to contact her and planned to meet her there.
I got myself ready early with all of the touches I had available to me. I had let my nails grow out for a few weeks and painted them. I shaved my legs the night before in anticipation of my date. I put on my corset and pulled it nice and tight. Put on my wig and brushed my hair. I really do love having long hair to play with. Then I did my makeup with what little I had. Just some foundation to cover up the beard and blend with the rest of my face. Then I put on eyeliner, shadow, and mascara. Got dressed in a nice skirt and top:
I must admit, I was a little anxious. How could I possibly be going through with this? Maybe I could just go to the local sex shop, but then I got the message from my new friend to meet her there and I felt that was definitely the better way to go.
With about 20 minutes before I had to go, I could not find my keys. I had never lost my keys before how could this be happening. I usually keep them in my pocket or on the night stand. Well it turns out I do't have any pockets and they got put somewhere else. I searched all over for about 15 minutes and thought maybe this was a sign that I shouldn't go, but then I found them on the counter with my make-up. Which reminded me to touch things up one last time before I headed out.
The drive over was a bit nervous. What if someone recognized my car and wondered about the woman who was driving it. Of course if was dark and very unlikely. The other thing was getting used to pushing the pedals on a standard while wearing heels.
I got to the place and drove around the block a couple of times just to figure out where the best place to park would be. Then I finally parked the car and walked in the door. They door man asked for my ID and I handed it to him. I was very nervous. He looked and looked. I told him this was my first time out. He said I looked great and did a very nice job. He also compliment me on my wig.
Then I stepped inside the bar. There I was exposed to a group of total strangers. For a moment I had no clue what to do. Do I grab a seat at the bar and order a drink or just walk around? Luckily as I was awkwardly trying to decide what to do my friend spotted me and with a big smile wave me over. We met with a warm embrace. Wow I had really done it. For the rest of the night I could just be myself, Isabella. It was a nice evening we met some of the people she knew there, watched the show and danced a bit. I had to leave early, but had a wonderful time and was quite at ease by the time I drove home.
Some notes for my next adventure. I should get some more make-up to enhance my cheeks. Practice more with the eyes. And perhaps purchase a fragrance to make myself smell prettier too. Always open to suggestions to improve my female persona.
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